Jake: Redemptive Anger
by Davis Family Fan
Summary: At her hands, she lost him once before; unfortunately now, he's gone for good. Please Read and Review.


Please review.

UNEDITED.

**Redemptive Anger**

**Elizabeth and Sam**

Over the past week her home felt like Grand Central Station. The doorbell was always ringing, or if the person had a key, opening. They would not leave her alone. All she wanted was to be left alone to wallow in her grief, guilt, and anger over her son's short life. She did not care want to hear another, _'I'm sorry for your loss,'_ or _,'he's in a better place;' _if one more person told her such a thing, she would surely have… well, she did not know what she would have done, actually. She simply knew that she was tired… of everything and everyone.

The doorbell rang.

- "Great."

Placing the photo of Jake she had held against her chest back onto the fireplace mantle, she quickly wiped her fallen tears, and put a brave smile on her face. She did not know why she had even bothered to strain herself in smiling as anyone with half a brain in their head would have taken one look at her and seen that she was… broken. She had long past the point of _breaking_, now having put her son, lying in his tiny coffin, into the ground, she had shattered into a million pieces.

- "One second!"

She took one last glance at herself in the mirror before opening the door.

- "Oh—"

She should have been shocked to see the woman standing on the other side of her threshold, but she was not. Actually, she had been awaiting the day this woman would find her way to her doorstep rather than avoid her the way she had since the day her son had been… _taken._

- "Sam, what… what are you doing here?"

Not being much of a cook, she had stopped by the bakery and picked out some cookies for her. She did not know what kind the woman liked, or whether or not her children were home with her, so she had chosen an assortment; she hoped that in the package that perhaps there was one type that Elizabeth might like.

- "I… I… um… I didn't know what to bring you—"

_My son._

- "So I—"

She held up the box of cookies.

- "I brought you some cookies. I'm not good at making casseroles or anything like that… and I know that this won't change anything—"

_No... it won't._

- "But I didn't want to come by empty-handed. I don't know, I just… I just wanted to see—"

_Don't say it._

- "I wanted to see how you were doing."

Elizabeth shut her eyes for a moment. The woman whom she had shared a mutual hatred did not explicitly express her sorrow at her loss, but the intent was apparent. And it angered her.

- "Come to find some kind of forgiveness from the grieving mother for what you did to Jake when he was a baby?"

Sam flinched as though the woman had just struck her.

- "What? No!"

That was not the purpose of her visit at all. Knowing somewhat the pain of losing a child, albeit under vastly different circumstances, she had taken the large step in visiting the woman.

- "Look, I know that we've had our differences—"

But she was not wiling to recognize that. She was angry; unfortunately for Sam, she had been that _next person_ she had been waiting on to ask her how she was doing.

- "Differences? Seriously? Is that what we're going to call what you did to my son? A difference? You watched him getting kidnapped and did _nothing_ about it!"

It was the biggest mistake she had ever made in her life. There was nothing more to be said about it; if she could have gone back and changed the circumstances of the day, done _something_ – warned Elizabeth that an unstable woman, herself a mourning mother, had taken her baby; screamed and called for help; or simply, stopped her – she would have. The events of the day haunted her from the second that woman turned and walked away with a child that was never hers to take in the first place. In the past week, the memory found its way to the forefront of her every thought.

- "Elizabeth—"

Whether or not she wanted to admit it, she had been the latest unwilling member of the 'Mourning Mothers Support Group.' Sam had come to… _console_, no… to… she did not really know why she had come by, she just did.

- "I didn't come here to ease my conscience—"

Deep down, she knew that. It was just easier to be angry, than to accept the terrible card life had dealt her. She was not ready to do that because if she did, she would have to admit that her beautiful little boy was truly gone. And so, anger would suffice.

- "No! Do you really think that coming over here with cookies and a sympathetic smile is going to make me forget what you did to me? To Jake?"

_Of course not_.

- "I haven't even forgiven _myself_ for what I did to Jake; I would _never_ come here, especially not now… not to ask you to forgive me—"

But she had already received that. The woman had long ago forgiven her for her poor lack in judgment. She had allowed Lucky to spend time with their sons _and_ her. But a few short months earlier, she had handed Jake to her to be watched. They had long ago called a truce to their rivalry; but neither woman had _forgotten._

- "I just wanted to… I don't know, really. I just… I thought that _maybe_ you might want to talk to someone who you know won't… I don't know, _coddle_ you. Who won't tell you all the clichéd things they can think of to make you feel _better_. I guess I didn't come here for anything else but that… and… um, to maybe give you a listening ear."

Given her recent mistakes, she softened. It was not too long ago that she had sought forgiveness for her own horrible mistakes. In fact, she was still dealing with the consequences of her _lapses in judgments_; one of which, in her heart of hearts, she knew caused her son his life. She would have hated, if the roles were reversed, to be shut out by someone she had wronged.

- "Sorry—"

She stepped aside to allow Sam to enter her home.

- "Please, come in."

She looked at the toys that were strewn about the living room floor she had not yet found the strength to either pick up, or allow to be placed back into their rightful places. A small part of her waited for Jake to return so that he might clean up his mess as he knew he should.

- "Excuse the mess."

In looking at the toys about the house, Sam understood the reluctance to put anything away; it had taken months before she had finally disassembled her baby's unused crib. Yes, for a short time another child had slept in it, just as another little boy might play with Jake's toys, but it was not the same. Lila's things had still gone unused… by _her. _And Jake would never again touch _his_ motorcycles and racecars._  
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- "It's—"

She wanted to say, 'okay,' but it was not. So she changed the subject.

- "How's Cameron doing? Aiden is too young to—"

Pointing to the couch where countless visitors had seated over the week, Elizabeth once again took the seat she had occupied prior to Sam's visit. She finished the woman's sentence.

- "To understand that his brother was run over by his grandfather? Yea, he is."

She closed her eyes as she corrected her statement. She was not yet ready to reveal the truth about her youngest son's paternity without first speaking with his father and uncle.

- "Um, Cam and Jake's grandfather… _not _Aiden's."

Sam frowned slightly at the woman's need to correct herself; it was common knowledge, especially since the infant was technically her cousin, that Nikolas was his father.

- "Yea, I know. It's… it's sad. I hope that Luke finds the help he needs. This must be eating him alive."

The tide of her emotions was high; the wave of sobs attempting to crash into her threatened to drown her. She had to hold it together. She judged people, women especially, for their faults when they differed from her own… but really, in the end, did not. She was quick to call them, including the woman on front of her, whores and sluts, but at the moment, she felt just like them; her actions were no different. Actually, they were worse; in focusing on learning who the father of her child was, she allowed her precious son to walk out the door to his fate.

- "Hmm… Cam, he… he just doesn't understand. He thinks that Jake is on some kind of vacation… that he's coming back… maybe with _souvenirs_ from Heaven, or something. He's a smart kid, but he just… he doesn't _get_ it. I guess I can't really blame him."

She could not judge anyone. Luke may have run down her son, but she killed him by allowing him to leave unnoticed.

- "Being a kid has its advantages."

Sam nodded in agreement.

- Yeah, it does. It softens the blow of life's cruel jokes."

Noticing Elizabeth's ironic smirk, she paused.

- "Look, I know that you don't want to hear this… and I'm sure it probably fits in the category of clichéd sympathy conversation, but… he really _was_ a great kid… Jake was. I mean, I obviously didn't know him well outside of the time that I was with Lucky—"

She almost felt as though she should not have mentioned the man's name, but at the same time, he was her past… _both _of their pasts regardless of how wrong their respective relationships started _or _ended.

- "But, I've seen him with you… around town. He… you, you had a _great_ kid. And—"

She hesitated. She did not want the intention of her next statement to be misconstrued.

- "I really _am_ sorry about what I did… watching that woman kidnap him… and having those men hold you at gunpoint."

Seeing Elizabeth nod as she wiped the tears that fell to her face, she continued.

- "And I'm _not_ here to get some kind of reprieve for that guilt. I just… I don't know… I just feel like…"

She did not know how to explain her presence in her home or the reason why she felt the need to apologize yet again for how she had wronged the boy. She let out a sigh.

- "Jake was… he was a _great_ kid who should've been given a chance to find and prove his potential. He… I mean, his presence… his mere _existence_… had the ability to make a grown woman do something _so_ foolish to him at such a young age. He was _that_ special… and he should've been able to… to… show us all just how _incredible_ he could've been. You know?"

She did. Her son had been cheated of his greatness… his influence… the impact he could have had on those in his life and around him. Coming from one of the first victims of his _power_, for the first time, she understood what she already knew; her son _was_ special.

- "I hate this… this _feeling_."

Without needing to her the remainder of her sentence, Sam already knew what she would say.

- "I hate that I'm looking at you, and… I'm _angry_."

Well, it was not that.

- "I'm sor—"

But Elizabeth shook her head.

- "I'm angry with _God, _Sam. Lucky has this incredible amount of faith, and I don't get _where_ it comes from, you know? Our son is _dead, _and he's… he's at _church_ right now. I don't understand that… and I don't think I ever will."

She felt a sob escape from her lips.

- "I'm looking at you, Sam, and I _hate_ God right now. I feel like my son has been _taken_ again, and I'm _FURIOUS_… I'm furious because I know that _this_ time I'll _never_ get him back."

Not having anything to say, Sam simply extended her hand to the woman she had for so long battled. She held her hand out to a woman she had, on a certain level, envied for her ability to have a child with the man she loved. She reached out to the unfortunate newest member of an exclusive group.

- "I just… I don't—"

She stopped speaking. Seeing the deepest of sincerities in Sam's eyes, Elizabeth took her hand into her own.

- "I'm just _angry._"

They would never be friends, but they were both mourning mothers. For the moment, that was enough.


End file.
